Have you ever had someone state something to you that was right, but do so in a way that was insulting, demeaning, or rude? Sadly, this is more commonplace than we wish to admit, and something that we are probably guilty of ourselves at times. Which brings the questions -- How do you have tough conversations with people in a gentle way? How do you confront people you love when you see they’re doing something they should not be doing?
Attitude plays an important part of conversations like this, and why it is important to remember what the Lord taught in Matt.7:1 "Judge not, that ye be not judged." Often when we are speaking to others, especially if we are doing it in a correcting manner, we have a tendency to talk down to someone. We assume a judgmental attitude and tone, and often come across as superior, demeaning and often become rude or even cruel in our remarks.
It doesn’t matter if you’re right. If you’re rude about it, nobody’s going to care what you have to say. They’re just going to get defensive!
"Speech that heals is like a life-giving tree,
but a perverse tongue breaks the spirit. "
Prov.15:4
The Bible teaches us to approach others (whether right or wrong) gently and with respect, not harshly or in a rude or mean way. How then do you have tough conversations with people about correcting or changing their life? If you want to get through to someone and see that change, it had better be in a gentle and loving way.
We always have a choice how we speak to somebody — even with our kids. Deeply hurtful words can wound a child and sometimes scar them for years or even life. This is true with people in general as well, especially Christians that are vulnerable to temptation. Instead, give them a vision of how things could be! Speak words of life and health and hope into them, not harsh words of judgment. Be gentle. Even in a marriage, how many marriage problems could be avoided if we just took a breath and used words that are gentle and kind and not harsh or vindictive? We need to learn to cut each other some slack and be kind and gentle in our speech and responses. Paul wrote, “Brothers and sisters, if someone in your group does something wrong, you who are spiritual should go to that person and gently help make him right again. But be careful, because you might be tempted to sin, too.” (Galatians 6:1)
Ok...ready for the coffee? Everybody in your life is going to disappoint you at some point. Why? Because nobody’s perfect!The loving response to people who disappoint you is to be gentle, not judgmental. This is what the Lord expects of us.
What is your typical response when you have to deal with someone when you know you were right about the situation? And - if you were to evaluate your daily speech, how much of it would you say is gentle? Think of a time when you disappointed someone. How would a gentle response have diffused the problem and affected the outcome for the better?
It doesn’t matter if you’re right. If you’re rude about it, nobody’s going to care what you have to say. What have your words been like today?
Jim
